STEADY TEDDY

Ted Reznick
at sixteen
waited on tables
in the Poconos
at the Borscht belt scene
always saved some
beets or spinach soup
for his mother Irene,
always wished to do
stand up
and did what he had to
with the girls
or itchy guys for tips
and filled his rubber gloves up
to play ball and catch
was always a wise guy
for himself
in any coffee klatch,
never wanted any trouble
with a double condom
put on a Trojan
under the table
to save him from any
publicity explosion,
got a capable agent
also on the cutting edge
politically correct but stable
with a middle class college degree
was Mr. Rolfe Viega
who became such a Dutch uncle
for Teddy
with a knowledge of comedy
always saved his demitasse
until he was wasted
on his own liquor or gas
taking a message in a parlor
drinking a lacquer
when Ted was told
with a cold shoulder
being a bachelor
was not called for
even in this pro queer era,
so Ted married into the "in"
religion and race
put on any color face
to save his own skin
in radical times
he was anti war
in conservative ones
he played caddie in golf
for the right charity
involved with presidents
got peace awards and to stay
at his House residence
he was first in the rope line
and admired for holding court
of rags to riches
judged the dog contests
stayed away from bitches,
and because he was short
was compared
to a flying mouse,
or to the English poet Pope
without any restoration
he still was divine
though did not drink
the communion wine
but dined alone
giving in to his shitzu
Laddie his last bone,
some called Ted Reznick
a brilliant sick comedian
or someone so slick
and witty as a beatnik
everyone wanted to bring
Ted home
others saw in his humor
only a repetitive schtick
then he told the shrink
he was heart sick
even in his lotus position
began to despair and think
he was on the brink
but Hollywood rewarded him
with its the last comedy award
Ted turned to the distaff
for his last laugh as well
with the chaff for the ladies
wound up in his own Hell
eating marijuana mushrooms
in the hallways
yet retired meditating
with his cronies in Hades
in his own Miami hotel rooms.