WANTING ACCESS

Everyone wants access
feeling weighed down
by the pressures
to succeed
so as an overachiever
playing violin
as a prodigy
as a child soloist
with a deep need
to express myself
in many formats
with jazz from the Savoy
in my  poet's convoy
of Manhattan's spirit
I return to blow jazz riffs
with a sword Damocles
weaving oversight threads
over my ink dream
literary head
being hidden away
on a journey of study
in my own
belief at French leave
casting my thinking
into an imagination cast
by reading Poe and Rimbaud
then making my own image
in one act drama and poetry
making my way in exile
around the world
realizing at nineteen
knowing on retreat
is to be alone
amid mountains and rivers
when a mystic chooses
chaff for wheat
or blood for stone,
then descending
into data centers
whose invented components
of these adverbial convoys
expose my own sit-down
thoughts of torpor
in a boy's travel
visionary dream
reading over my last review
and interview
at my own force in life.