AN INTERVIEW: LIFE BEHIND THE SCREEN

Interviewer from the Hollywood Recorder
BZ poet, actor, art director, raconteur

In.- You have agreed to this interview without pre conditions, lawyers, judges or jury.

BZ.- My jury and injuries ,being private opinion or at world public opinion...  To be frank ...

In.- Aha, Who is Frank...A character in your new film? Is this an exclusive for me  at the

Hollywood Recorder?

BZ. -I just take film scripts as it goes which may lead to an academy award but I do know Frank

Franklin ,actually my publicity agent who handed me his resume in Harvard yard during a

peace march whom I hired on the spot.

IN- What did Frank have in his personality that appealed to you?

BZ.- A combination of international gentility in a body of self confidence and a blameless soul.

IN-  You yourself have been called a screenwriter of the absurd and  a surrealist.

BZ- I believe as a poet, screen writer and playwright in expanding the novel human spirit

expanding our consciousness in every scene where we are at, but Frank was something else.

In.- Your friends were always surprise packages.

BZ- Thanks. I try to make the most of them.Which motion pictures of mine do you like? I'm

just curious.

IN-  I like it when you took you took old splices of films from other directors and artfully crafted

a cowboy series set on Rodeo Drive in the movie "Tom Minx" with music from girl bands like

"Instinct" and "No Back Down " but did you ever expect such instant media success?

BZ- My success is our own business as you know Hollywood lives on hope not charity.

IN- In your last film "We are all Caitlin" you had your actors all named Caitlin one through five

who become private eyes who spy on other non Caitlin actors from Hollywood who are well

connected to politicians and musicians and were expected to change their looks, names or sex

but could not go through with a change as she has done according to the Tabloid Celluloid.

BZ-Well there was a bit of a Caitlin mania for a while and we tried to cash in. What can I say!

IN- Then you had these same actors based in Hong Kong. Is there a reason for Hong Kong?

BZ.- Hong Kong like Berlin and Buenos Aires captivates me because they were centers of

international espionage and Aesopian language during world war two and in the cold war. Our

millions of fans and friends enjoy the intrigue in these cities.

IN.- But to have a spy network set in a Argentina's huge doll's house with beautiful robotic

Barbies along with psychic Ken dolls who hunt down the Nazi Klaus Barbie was a mark of

 your Hollywood genius.

BZ. You are pulling my leg, but don't get so close. There are cameras everywhere.

IN.- All of your actors in " We are Caitlin" are like gorgeous autistic savants.

BZ. Thank you. We hired them as a result of a non sexist beauty contest with all gender benders

involved.

IN- Unlike in "Tom Minx" where your actors remind me more of laconic and drugged Northridge

ex porno stars and sexy mediums whom you call call girls  "Means and Ends". I like the

scenes where "Ends and Means" who are expertly and uniquely trained by Pentagon and

Patagonian desert fighters are hand maidens of Paraguay's secret service to service the very male

operatives from the Falkland Islands are actually secret a admirers of the Maggie Thatcher rock

band brigade who spend their days in heat with stalkers and fast talkers who actually sexually

bond with deserted spies.

BZ-It caused me to notice the C.I.A. operatives like the famous Mickey Mossgaard who

was discovered by me in Uppsala observatory lab in Sweden and working for the Malmo

rockettes, the special rocket scientists who dance and sing opera behind the iron curtain of secret

Russian hair line chorus of operatives and went to work for my L.A. studio and in film "Malmo

Rockettes" in which starred young Saga Hanson and was featured at the Nagano movie festival.

IN- Then you made that sequel about the New York fashion designer Rockie Hudson the

Fourth called "The Designer Hoax" who falls in love in Central Park with a New Haven soccer

sports coach who was a former bouncer in another life and becomes an announcer on the B.B.Z.

Rockie , you may remember whom you interviewed on the Moldovan soccer team is actually the

same cool dresser we featured in G 3's special August swim suit issue of "Outing in Malibu"

where we discover out of the closet cases and fix them up on the mating game and fix them up

with celebrities, celibates, professors of philosophy and New York psychiatrists who close their

official offices in August.

BZ. I enjoyed making the sequal to "Tom Minx" which is called "Rodeo Drive Rider," a bare back

rider who runs an international spy agency network called "The Mavens" and finds out his

lover is a national candidate for president working behind the scenes with the enemy to bring in a

hidden avuncular nuclear bomb (hidden in a BZ poetry pocket book) on an airliner bound for a

city near you in a suspense docu drama thriller. I try to keep up with the current trends in my

plots which usually come to me in the evening when I'm self water boarding in my jacuzzi at

Long Beach.

IN.- You also filmed a musical "Under Water ." I liked that film about water sleuths who capture

treasures located in the deep, starring Ike and Reich Lee who speak in unpalatable mandarin,

transliterate and viscerally translate into a new language in a new Yiddish and Chinese alphabet

called Bubbe Duck. Then  according to my sources you took B movies with starlets in film noirs

like Lupe De Yung and Valdez Beanstalk who train train robbers who both fall for the mustached

conductor and then turn him in as the con man who is in reality a Austin University sheriff whose

sibling is a Boston  attorney whose trust fund allows her to work pro bono and has trysts in gay

spoofs on Jesuit professors at Boston College. Trust me, you'll love it.

BZ. How did you gather up all this top secret information on me when I have not yet released

my autobiography "My Personal Shadow" in four languages considered dead.

IN.- Nor have you returned your proofs to your publishers in Oak Bluffs and New York City.

BZ -I must always remember  that the Hollywood Recorder knows, and is the be and end all news

now in America.

IN- Is that right? But even I had no idea how extensive and intensive, sensitive and expensive

worth of info. is in our research at the Recorder.

BZ - More than the Vatican and  International Inquirer combined for we have the same publisher

and writers working together who tell me indiscreetly they all hang together to gather up dirt and

information for the new world order and coming anti Christ.

IN- Don't tell me you buy all that.

BZ. If it's a theme that makes money controversy and publicity we will consider it or if it doesn't

we can can it until it does but you have opened a can of worms here for we are about to

announce in Cannes and Worms our joint French -German collaborative film of a friendly

soccer match movie called "Sports Roundup" about a dozen top cops who find love in the

bottom of the ocean with big snorkel feats in coordinated copulative blue ball technicolor jet

set scenes yet whose copacetic cooperation eerily participates through coordinated action with

South American continent secret sex police agencies. It was entered secretly and privately was

entered early in the spring Bavarian film competition and became an instant blockbuster even in

Pashtun though we because of the censor had to cut out some of the sex scenes with Afia.

IN- That doesn't seem politically correct.

BZ. Nor was the sequal but was equally a popular hit "Twelve Inch At Ranch Roundup" shown

in the same German beer hall which held the last Masters Easter eunuch egg drag race beauty

contest for the High Command future youth leaders performance of war veterans who valiantly

die in battle worn fatigues on a Berlin soccer field.

IN. I published on article in the Recorder that everyone was on method meth, yes all the flag

waving disarmed brown skirted and shirted school parades of ten years olds after the final

national socialist presentation in a pagan costumed performance of Wagnerian Parsifal and later

die Gotterdammerung when it was dutifully and musically aired on radio Berlin after Hitler and

Eva Braun's suicide at the end of the war on April 30th 1945.

BZ- You impress me how you on the Hollywood Recorder really get around.  It's amazing

how you find the time for all your own research projects on me .

IN- We were the first who found out whom you were hiring to be a five star host, Don Deacon

to be featured as the Florida Villages art deco director and emerged as a winner on the "Soap

Opera Quiz" on B.B.Z. television. To think you came out to Hollywood from the Village Voices

of the Third World at soft core pictures Big Apple productions and marinated to the Florida Keys

is an only an hour's acid trip away it all still boggles my mind, what's left of it.

BZ-  I owe it to  all to you. I cannot deny I've been higher than a kite when I have to go to the

Florida Villages and you see those souls sitting on cabanas trying to find a way to avoid this Hell

of a retired life and everyone wants to find the de Leon fountain of youth, it gave me an idea for

my twenty four hour film "The Good Mr. Frankenstein" where  a young handsome Harvard

doctor discovers the secret formula A plus E of hybrid vigor which gives these souls the erection

for a new life.

IN.-Didn't the religious community object to it for in the film you tried to give them a pill, rather

than the gospel as the way to eternal life.

BZ. If its good that we seek ,it will be for God not entertainment. My son wrote that in his thesis

at the Div School and mailed it to me last Christmas. Simon is well on his way to becoming the

first less than an ordained saint at Harvard since Santayana.

IN- That would be a modern day miracle .How could Simon be your son.

BZ. I intend to make a film on him in the missionary position.

IN- By the way how is your fictional tale for the film "Leaves of Doctor Grasseed" coming along?

BZ .-  It's a new movie  drama about an ex Nazi and Stasi spy but secretly a bi racial poet

operative- hero who works as ring leader and de programmer who washes Volks cars of escaped

East German officials near Checkpoint Charlie starring Eric the Red whose dad once trained

bisexual pigeons in the blitz for strategic warfare but winds up singing a different tune in a tune

when he is suddenly high jacked on a Jamaican slave and prison ship in 1945. I took my "Leaves"

to Bonn, Bollywood and Cannes film festivals where "Leaves of Dr. Grasseed which won every

award in every category.

IN- I was there when you even won the Wolfgang gang rapper music award for the song "On West

Berlin Platforms" filmed on location at Checkpoint Charlie which became the number one song

from Angus on the music charts in Harlaam ,Holland.

BZ- Yes my last surviving Dutch uncle Antoon picked up the award for me as I was in Mexico

City at the time while making a silent motion picture in 3 D was on the set with for "Sombrero

Romance" when I had  the first all Mexican male to female cast which was new for those cold

war days. Your rival newspaper "The Tabloid Celluloid" called me a truly revolutionary

visionary for our time.

IN- At the Cannes student cinema contest you actually spoon your fed spaghetti westerns once

made in Mexico City and spiced it up and spliced for the Third World and shown at the

Hollywood Bowl.

BZ- Those were the days of grainy film sex comedies like "Fruitcakes to Walnuts."

IN-Then there was your slew of your films called "At the Down Load Round Tables" one to nine

all made in tiger blood red technicolor you brilliantly invented in which Angus sings his rap

rhapsody.

BZ.  It's about a heavy weight pugilist who is a masked bandit and stages an outrageous home

invasion in Yorba Linda and makes love secretly under Passover( once canasta and Ma Jong)

tables by their open doors saying he is from the killer angels of light street gang wanted for

repeated drugstore stealing of drop dead acid tablets.

IN. Didn't the film win first prize at the Alternative Oscar and Sammy Arts contest both

broadcast simultaneously in Sierra Nevada and Macon, Georgia.

BZ. Yes, and as a result we  made spin offs about the encoded government ghetto reading and

writing and reading program at education Camp Berkeley which features beautiful mermaids

from Esther Williams musicals shot exclusively in Oderdrama with rose- watered colored

ebonics for hill billies in a make- believed rough sexed "Midget Gets Lost" filmed on multiple

runaway locations on a Honolulu beach with look alike artists Andy Warfare and Monty

Pythagoras who are really U 4 detectives who are always on the trail for missing Flower

children.

IN.- It was a theatrical show stopper but my favorite was the film " Stalin's Cargo"

about a nutty math professor from N.Y.U  who who meets up on Coney Island with a group of

so called mad Russians from Odessa actually forced to be on controlled Soviet substances who

escape from Stalin's Gulags and going to fight Hitler's stalags stepping out in the rain gear of

potato skin suits protecting them from the cold but no one from the State Department believes

their horror story except one courageous ex Spanish Civil War veteran who helps them out and

introduces them to an A.C.D.A. detective who discovers the truth by blowing bubbles from Stalin

perfume 1940  found in their luggage and rescues them.

BZ. Did you ever see my short short film, "Yalta Yente" were my late mother dodges bullets

during the civil war in a series of a Sovietish kittenish version dances based on Blok's love

poems.

IN.- No but I saw your Westphalian folk film in "Dance Music" based on Heine's poems at the

outdoor Rostock film festival in the German Democratic Republic.

BZ. I  strive to do my best with what is left with Kultur.

IN-You located the Milwaukee drive-in mogul long lost tapes of Nicky J. Goldstone's Bar and

Bas Mitzvah stag movies as streamed live into Hollywood beds.

BZ- That wasn't easy.

IN- You also had a film about a seeing eye dog Maddie who locates missing people in the

subways, political underground and in war zones called "Phantasm Purple" starring the male

model from Siberia, that hairless hunk extraordinary Bo Bo Balinsky now from Malibu

with his partner swim team Dorothy Pillgallon who with their shitsu dog Maddie thwart a plot of

sailors from Kronstadt in a political Chaplinesque assignation and assassination of a president by

Mafia executives and Batista cigar merchants from old Havana . I think it was your best picture.

At least I was told so when I was the resident contestant on a talk show " What's your Assembly

Line" with Bennett, the L.A.Surfer until he was mysteriously killed by a that mousy cat woman

in your film "Mousekateer" roughly based on the Annette Bellow's French-Arabic language

Riviera beach series of movies now taught in Marist- Marxist film classes as Berkeley's last

semester of student body building films. These are listed now in a catalog of uncanny dialogue

dialectical cultural films at Berkeley. A philosopher of the Lacian lending library of soft feather

bed revolution lent it to me. It was written in the Corsican tongue by the Napolean club studio of

deconstructed retired French liberation group professors  from the Roger Garaudy National

Socialist Institute of archival footage just re- located at the academy museum in Brussels

and taught at the Sorbonne seminars whose Right and Left Bank remains of his post on

Lacian Liberation theology thesis were recently transferred to Cambridge and to the West Coast.

We also attempted a sequel with Buttercup Lawson as a secret spy with a network against

the gorilla guerrillas theater company, an eco terrorist gang originally from Danang always

making a big shabang to terrorize anyone who has a washing machine, electric lawn mower or

non electric car,anyone who wears flannels, perfume or chinchilla furs, or have canaries as caged

pets or have house bound husbands. You may remember her half sister Buttermilk Lawson

originally nicknamed Ripper from Butte, Montana her father worked in copper mines whom we

inadvertently found trapped and hiding in the Coffee Pot nightclub safe until they escaped to the

Silver Dollar strip club behind metallic gold and yellow brick doors with a proletarian politician

being roasted on public T.V. from the Coppa Cabana identified by the F.B.I. as the dead Imam's

grandson Jared Israel the fourth from Afula together with stripper Ripper Buttermilk watching

her ex husband Pastor Silverfinger secretly performing a behind the silver screen those 1492

secret Marano marriages said all in Latin or Ladino who has had nine fault divorces himself  and

once opposing the Berkeley's  millennial "Stop the filthy Free Speech movement" with his father

sixty eight year old flower child Harold who has not yet earned his bachelor degree but has been

on the fringes of the radical campus and housed in a redwood tree since the Fall of 1968 and was

the focus of a famous documentary "Free for All" shown on the B.B.Z. which bombed the ratings

during the Sudan Rama Dama Ding Dong hour due to political interference for whom we raised

up a village of undiscovered skulls for the Bush and a Peck research.

IN. -That must have been difficult to focus when you took Harold ,Buttercup, Buttermilk and

Silverfinger to be cleaned up by wind surfing near the mutinous hospital intelligence ship  "The

Melting Plot". I know the hip hypnotists you hired from L.A. Medical Central who worked over

them.

BZ- It wasn't easy as we lost seven extras to the Pacific. But Hollywood coffers were opened up

to save the shark fund with Meryl , Beryl and Methyl Bopeep our first bi three- some surfers

became the matrons and patrons charity ball held at the Hollywood bowl held on Twelfth night.

IN-You also had a seven part space Iliad series with Hercules Van Gluck and Diana Twig and

featuring Daphne the T.V talking head gold digger and former ex male stripper emphasizing and

exercising positions to create a non facial and non racial new consciousness out of Fresno bird

eggs nests and love creams called Jasmine flavored from jam, jelly and tree nuts raised only

from the Bed Wetter inner city kitchens sponsored  by the Commando vitamin monopoly of crony

capitalism of Oakland Farms . Could you pass into us preview or review of your new films?

BZ.- First is How We Won over the West is a new German production now a peace and war

movie in my raving bisexual sequel to my equal serial killing film "The Philosopher Queen"

about how the National Socialists recapture the heart of the heartless Heidegger, fools his gifted

willingly and deceived philosopher lover Hannah Lana even after the show stopper "Nein Nein

Nine," a Horroscope Film and he subsequently became the most honored deconstructed honorary

member of the Academy of World Science and Arts .

IN. It was innovative and electric show stopper.

BZ. The sequel was  by the author of "How I used the V 9 Rockets to Fool the Unsuspecting

World" starring Bavarian light weight Kaisarling Von Braun and Wagnerian tenor Kurt Brain and

leading an all ex woman cast about a rock star ex Stasi politician Rana Turtle who infiltrates the

KGB,FBI, CIA, even with French Legionnaires disease and is in the deep pockets of American

billionaires in a high tech film made at M.I. T. It's about a plot to recruit ex Nazis in every part of

the post German moral rearmament movement and sending them all to Argentina in a pilot film

"Absentia" bought and paid for by the rightly religious new age dramatic visionary Utta Patti

Hamburger of Hamburg Platz in a sleepless rope a dope adventure featured love story in black

and white in twenty parts filmed on location in Paris,Paraguay and atomic sites in Utah with help

from the Roman religious rat line. It has its only bi-coastal bisexual star Oona Jefferson Carver

Jefferson-Washington with co star the lovely transgender singer Bella Kasha Abdel Schwartz.

IN. That seems quite formidable and might I say controversial.

BZ. But who said any publicity is bad for our 24 hour industry which reels in reality and romance

all day long from our Babylonian college fund for young exiled sexy directors  that you

started in a Harlaam brothel sponsored by your Dutch uncle who miraculously survived the war

for such  a purpose.

IN- What is your studio up to now?

BZ- We are working on a  remake of my Nabokovian spy thriller "Glita" with Urdu subtitles.I'm

playing myself in Graham Greenesque scenes about Clint Stone an aspiring psychiatrist who is

hypnotized and is taken away to a communal farm in Apple Valley by the girls in his hip family

in 1968 lead by a team of Lance Cloud a mystic and handsome Hopi Indian chief and whose

newly wed wife , Deli Delilah a a former TV. news addict and now sex changed Weather

Underground actress  from Warlock ,Illinois who are de programmers of peoples identities.

IN- I saw that film at Harvard college while on reds or was it whites. It changed my life. I

still remember the part when Deli Delilah rents out huge space on Hopi reservations for huge art

mural orgies of Halloween and are required to change their identities by Druid island priests

by making fancy faces of made of paper mache for costume designers in landscaped nude

scenes and our victim poor Clint Stone has a loss of identity and faith in a future multi cultural

London where he has Orwellian dream sequences and visits so many of the great writers

Samuel Beckett, James Joyce and Russian dissidents who sleep rhythmically and hypnotically  

for 24 hours to Mama Cass records and take L. S. D. tablets every four hours smuggled in their

respective black Irish and English living rooms by the university F.B.I. spies Dr.Dotty Leary,

her Uncle Tin Tin and her great aunt Nettie Rainfall from Harvard Divinity and who has

memorized (though hypnotized) all of Gogol at the time works for Gaia Guy Gay's productions.

of Glasnost and Peristroica.

BZ. You really got into it.

IN- I still remember sitting there at the Harvard Square theater with some pop corn balls on my

lap watching  your film "Glita"as Nettie Rainfall, somehow that name stuck with me ,while she

becomes a part time surgeon and actually changes faces and identities and replaces Clint Stone's

nose by taking off the big frost bitten toe of a Gulag survivor and Clint Stone breathes through a

tube of remade toe with two nostrils. What Hollywood sci-fi can't do. It's amazing.

BZ. Did you sit through the six hour film when huge Siberian crazy cat appears with Nettie

Rainfall as she changes faces and skins out of future proper NKVD propagandists from

funky flunkies and revolutionaries out of Lulumba graduate school who desire and enroll to be

gremlin spies of the Kremlin.

IN. I must have been too busy getting the dorm room number of the guy who gave me his

popcorn box.

BZ. Did you guys ever get it together.

IN- He joined up with the Screw crew at Hollywood playhouse where only private showings at

stag parties were allowed.

BZ. You don't mean Don Deacon?

IN- What a small world.

BZ. He wasn't that small, believe me.

IN- I know.

BZ-We used him as an extra when he wasn't busy eating or sharing his popcorn balls in the

prison drama about reformed alcoholics, "Behind Bars" set in Sing Sing and Donald Deacon

had a large role in " Secret Gay weddings of the Stalag Stag" from Stalingrad if I do recall.

IN. Once you saw Don you don't forget. I heard he recently gave up the butter ball popcorn for

Good and Plenty.

BZ. -Don as any movie man of good taste and the common touch liked M and M's and large

Mars Bars as well with hazelnuts.

IN. Where is Don Deacon now?

BZ.- He is making a documentary for the B.B.Z called " My life with Dubie and Lube."

IN- What can we expect of you in the near future since you have had directors ,producers,

publicity agents and psychologists on both sides of your coached and couched family and one

of your films "Gravitas, Guts and Grits" was a  tableau winner of the Hearst history revisionist

highly valued Symbionese prize for the best political docu drama and was set to A tonal music for

the operatically despaired and intellectually impaired by Igor "Pinky " Lupinsky.

BZ.- Even the futurist visionary the actor Matt Da Vinci could not predict his new fields of

inquiry so expect documentaries and high level entries into film festivals in the next year based

on an oversexed series of detective operettas set called "Talking Heads" set in the core of the Big

Apple with cheaply made chick flicks of honor killings of chic daughters of escaped rock and roll

bandit bands  "Shikses" and "Sleek Shiek Chicks" who work the L.A. streets scenes with

mammoth  Inner and Outer former Mongolian dicks who expose the hidden ways of crime while

not finding love in police state tribal harems. It stars Lennie Penny of the short film "Euro Trash

IV" and  "The Mau Mau, Moo Moo, Mao Mao documentary of "Life of Miss Auntie Anti

America."

IN. I couldn't hold my breath.

BZ. Your friendly fondling fiend Don Deacon had a cameo if I recall it.

IN- He gets around I guess.

BZ. We paid him in popcorn because his trust fund and basket ball scholarship came to eight

million gross that year. He came into the business just for the fun of it, he said.

IN- I heard he was in the first popcorn Western.

BZ- Then I made a montage movie  "Life behind the Screen" with Sister Attila Grant Lee, an off

color bio pick movie of our Buttercup the newly liberated ex guerrilla outdoor theater star who as

a first ex virgin football cheer leader and comic book queen was officially crowned on the

banana boat float named Sister Watermelon made from sesame seeds and roses imported from

street wise Caracas and put together by the Fairfax Avenue art collective of ex sex offenders for

the Rose Bowl parade who in the film becomes a bull whipped Rodeo Drive rider on horseback

with stage and star Lady Heroine who invades the Red planet Mars in an inner tube rocket for

an outer space romp and odyssey and a supposed man and lap dog rescue for those lost, found and

sent away early as troubled teens, our lean and mean runaways from outside Camp Berkeley

re education program who left because of the strain and stain of political incorrectness

discovered by school proctors ,those doctors who watch the runaways from behind their tattoo

parlors during their monthly check-ups on students for herpes.

IN.- Is this really a bully comic time to write?

BZ.- Yes, a memoir.

IN- Thank you, BZ.