THE LAST DAY (A PLAY)

Scene London, England

Moderator
Mr. De Press - London Daily Encounter press chief
Mr. Crony- T.V. mogul and perennial candidate for parliament
Ms. Crony, Miss Labour, Miss Liberale, wife and two daughters of Mr.Crony
Alex-nicknamed in Russian Sasha adopted son of Mr. Crony Jr.
Head Hunter- husband of Mr. Crony Jr.
Former Pastor Churchmouse Beast
Watchman, a watchman who stands at the door, often the silent man who records everything
Assassin- Mr. Beard

Moderator- I have invited you from your 2 billion homes to be with us today as we are in crisis

here in London, Paris and in the Americas.

Mr. De Press- I am a newspaper and web guy, chief editor of the London Daily Encounter.

Mr. Crony- I'm Mr. Crony. Just Call me Big; all I want is your approval, votes and taxes as I'm

running as an independent candidate for Parliament for the last twenty years and please allow me

to introduce my sixth wife to you the Countess Vixen Minsk the former Miss World and now

Mrs. Big and I introduce to you our lovely model daughters Labour and Liberale and my only

adopted son Alex- Sasha Crony Jr whom I found closeted in the New World on the reeds of

Brighton Beach and knew right away he belonged with me . Here now in his new riding boots

from Harrods and is now my studio partner and chief actor at my film studio and newspaper the

Daily Encounter; you can just call him as we do" spittle little" if you want to though he is as big

as me. You all know him from the blockbuster hit movie, "Life with Sasha "  based on his own

story.Now my Alex is the sit down stand up Reality host of 90 90 filmed with Head Hunter his

new husband the last Borscht belt comedian from the Catskills and Poconos and featured on

our educational television stations, 24 7 from every coast harbor and lock down unit all the way

from Hong Kong to Sing Sing.

Head Hunter- I'm Head Hunter and Alex's husband and a famous film flamer and star of

"Dr. K.Y." about a mad Moldovan scientist who prescribes a body ream and cream that lasts

for twenty four hours. We had Don Deacon do the promo along with Alex.

Mr. de Press- Mr. Crony, you did not formally adopt Alex. Let's be real. You took him from the

Brighton Beach reeds to make him your Moses and young spokesman.We first ran the story in

the London Daily Encounter how you stole young Alex from his parents and paid them off

in thousands of pounds so they could open up a Russian bazaar with a unique brand of kefir

yogurt that would give one at least hundred years of long life strength  thatwe found in the

Caucasus. Then you bought Alex(the Russian nickname Sasha)his parents an Oriental rug

business West London, only after that did you promote Alex as your partner on red guard

cinemas and make him a first class actor and director.

Mr. Crony- What did I need you here for! To become my conscience of God.

Mr. de Press-  The truth is for your need to have a son for Christmas.

Mr. Crony Jr. Alex - Oh dad you should't have adopted me if only for your own ego. Could I have

some bagel Brussels sprouts, daddy you promised me if I went on mommy's Turkish Delight diet

Zum Zum show to tell of your full dietetic diet of Lady Fingers and Sugar Daddies I could have

a bag of bagel Brussels sprouts.

Ms. Crony- Give the boy what we wants, you will anyway.

Mr. Crony- You may have your sprouts but please don't use them for anything nefarious.

Ms. Crony- I'm Ms. Crony and we do love you, Alex as my step son.I'm the author of the Iberian-

Indian kosher holy cow cook karma book co- authored with Ms. Kay Brisket formerly of Toledo

with recipes dug up from her great great great great great great great grandmother lost in the 1492

Inquisition. It is a now best seller as was the Zum Zum diet book and here are my twin lovely

daughters Lotte Labour Crony a part time swim suit model and a full time working girl outside

of the new age journalism school in the Shetlands and Gertie Liberales her adorable sister who is

the ambassador of St. James and food mistress to the court of Monaco and Macau.

Gertie- We need a bag of bagel chips.

Lotte- We are starving arn't we Gertie?

Gertie- I could eat a kosher cow.

Mr. Crony- Speaking of foodies, send out for Brussels sprouts for our audience, it's on the house.

Ex Pastor- I am Pastor Church Mouse Beast who wants to bring all of us together whatever

corner of the earth, whatever your beliefs as long as you follow my lead.

Watchman- I am Watchman. I watch all and record everything.

Crony- Isn't this thrilling, everyone watching me; I grew up in poverty and no one knew me and

now everyone loves me, and my wife Vixen from the harem of the now defunct Turkish-Monaco-

once the Macau- Moldovan opera dance company , a mezzo soprano who cannot for the life of

me take her drugged Oriental eyes off me less she have her head cut off, has taken all desires

toward other women away so I can concentrate on the people's pleasure and not exclusively on

my own.

Churchmouse- With all your rodomontade bragging rights ,Crony ,you seem to be lost and most

miserable of men. What eyes are now on us uniting for eternity. What do you say Watchman?

Watchman-  I won't praise anyone's image or put down any mark upon the earth.

Churchmouse- You will for the price of your soul.

Head Hunter(removes his shirt) Now what do you think of this body ?

Churchmouse-  It's your soul...

Head Hunter-All you care about Churchmouse Beast is power, you pretend you are pious but

you are a modern Devil. You hang out with Mr. Crony as cover.

Mr. De Press- We cover him as a religious in the Daily Encounter but his power eludes us.

A shot is fired from the audience

Mr. De Press- It's an assassin! I recognize him, it's that cruel Mr. Diego Beard.

All duck on the floor.

Churchmouse-They got me, a wound on my head, but you see its gone before your lying eyes.

Mr. De Press- You will be our headline if I make my deadline. You are a magician whom I saw

you once personally replace a broken toe to put on the nose of a Mau Mau man who unfortunately

was injured trying to kill the British and told you he was dying for sex but could not get easily it

up except  for the Scottish cavalry officer dressed in his kilts and it was reported in the Army

Regiment Register that the Mau Mau heavily breathed and almost gave up the ghost after seeing

the object of the Scotsman whom we named Thick Slick Thackery which cost the Mau Mau his

life yet made the Scotsman a famous model in certain London and American men's work out

magazines of a certain genre I can't share in mixed company. Oh here is that brazen assassin

again.

Mr. Beard suddenly jumps up on the stage with a sword and stabs Churchmouse this time again

on the head.)

Mr. Beard- I am the assassin Mr. Beard. I make no bones about it.I lead the force for justice with

the Closet Cased Deacon Don gangs where we make tattoos for big armed bandits from our own

bars of Soho and then out our prisoners behind bars. And I'm here to tell you Churchmouse here

subsidizes us.

Churchmouse- You son of a bitch , you hid me in the Turkish bath and now you are trying to kill

me. You almost got your comeuppance tonight but no wound in the head will harm me."

Mr. Beard - You were once a unclothed defrocked go go boy in your younger days whom you got

Big Crony to take you from an eager altar boy to a superstar on Hollywood boulevard, you mangy

dog. I will personally put you in a straight jacket if it will fit since you have been arrested in your

early development since you were a Birmingham teenager when you bought Saharan Saracen

Pictures with slaves from your fish and chip shillings to finally settle on the Upper West Side of

Manhattan as a poster guy for the androgynous psychiatrist Dr. Vienna for your group bondage

rock star opera guild always dressed as go go boys in green suede shamrock Irish leather where

you took your high trips on L.S.D. while studying Kierkegaard and the Marquis de Sade at

Oxford then at Harvard. Did you know it was Mr. Crony who paid for your American education

but you yourself Churchmouse never got yourself out of the water closet.

Churchmouse- If I could ever wash out your mouth again with the same black Irish bar of soap as

I did in the Turkish bathhouse I would do it.

Mr. Beard. All you do is want to flagellate yourself and then exaggerate your photos on the

religious page of Mr. Depress's rag the Daily Encounter.

Mr. Depress- How dare you put down my paper with its millions in circulation.

Churchmouse- I have given you Mr. Beard a black mark on your soul but I have one from you

when you gave me a lasting mark on my ass when I made a cameo appearance in Head Hunter's

film, "White Belt Karate Emporer" filmed in Malibu.

Ms. Crony- It was fabulous.

Gertie- Fabulous! I played a Harlaam harem daughter of my Dutch uncle.

Lottie- I played the white karate's emporer's girl friend "Ina Transition" and spoke as the secret

agent Balloon Waloon in Flemish.

Churchmouse- You were fabulous too. None would have recognized you under the veil.

Head Hunter - You were always late for rehearsal Churchmouse just like when we found you in

the tea room in Malibu. You spent most of your days reading Firbank in another tea room near St.

Mary Magdalen at Oxford as an understudy and undergraduate years before.

Churchmouse- Lies, degenerate lies against a respectable Sunday lay religious minister.

Head Hunter - I saw you as a pimp looking for extras between scenes of my shootings or cuttings

from my close ups between our shrinking dialogue and me saying "that's a wrap" when you

always wanted to get on with one more brushing or stroke to the guy you captured and water

boarded on the award film "Pussy and Booties" featured at the Berlin S. and M. film festival.

We had gathered all the tools, even political intrigue and intelligence in there to screw with the

Hammer and Sickles hockey team in the soft water boarding musical bubbly scenes searching

for Russian agents for my film which covered up the real the occupied Wall Street story of

how the transgender crowd infiltrated the pup tents using foreign monopoly money which gave

a new wave to my film "Shrinking Violetta of the Urals and Urinals" with A.K. , the former

Moscow clown who finds a lover under the Birobidzhan red tent circus embedded while spying

for the C.I.A. and N.K.V.D. who dies of a mysteriously unknown V.D. infection.

Alex- That was me. I played myself. Sorry Daddy.

Mr. Crony - You did nothing wrong son. We knew Churchmouse was looking out for you.

Churchmouse- I hired A.K. myself.

Alex - Churchmouse was after me for years. I once overheard him through a glory hole saying

he had recently made a scooby doo plate of frog leg and and mixed greens and sent it to a French

military academy so he could meet some cadets training for the Foreign Legion. Churchmouse

was always a mover,especially trying on a Sunday dress after he tried to encourage miscarriages,

forced suicides and abortions in the unlikely BZ farce "God is Getting Tired."

De Press- I guess none of you will bring charges on Mr.Beard this cowardly assassin.

Mr Crony- It's up to Churchmouse Beast.

Churchmouse- Nothing can harm me. I rest my case.

Watchman - If you think so then keep it realite verite. Remember to chill out and be still and

tender to get to know your God before it is too late.